I so can’t wait until I have my baby so I can do the ab workout that I saw someone doing on tv. I’m ready to be a size 14. 18 is okay, but 14 is better. LOL. I am sick of being a size 18. Who wouldn’t be? I’m use to being small. I’m hoping by a few summers from now I will be smaller and be happier. I think that’s why I was bored so because I would stay inside and didn’t want anyone to look at me. I’ve gotten over it, but still think dumb things in my head. Now don’t get me wrong, I do not care what other people think about me. but I try to look my best when I go out and so for my kids.

I’ve been thinking about moving back to NC. The only reason why I haven’t done it is because Destiny lives with my mother and she won’t be coming with me and I don’t want her to feel as though I’m leaving her behind. Even though I don’t see her much, she is to busy with her life and friends. Plus, she don’t like where I live, it’s boring and I never have any extra cash to take her any where.

But still, I don’t want her to feel bad. She won’t say anything, but I know she will be thinking about it. I mean I would come visit her and they can come to NC, but it wouldn’t be often since it’s almost a 8 hour drive and trust me. It’s a LONG ASS drive that no one wants to drive. But one of my friends in NC said I need to be happy. I’m not happy here in KY and haven’t been for 2 yrs now. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m not with the right guy who can make my life great, or if it’s the people I meet and so called friends. But whatever it is, I’m so unhappy and want to be happy so bad.

I just don’t know what to do

I found a lotion for acne that I may be able to use right now. I must ask the doctor first before using it though. Yes, it’s just a cream, but I want to make sure it’s safe for me. They always say ask first or be sorry later. So that’s what I’m going to do.

I’m sitting here with Lily doing my work while she watches cartoons. I wish I could take her to the park, but my money and gas is low and I need to save what I can. Vanity is spending the night at my mothers house. I wish Lily or Jordan could go instead so I can get all this work done. Maybe next weekend or before school starts.

We all know you can’t take any diet pills while pregnant. But I heard about clinicallix and may try it once I’m all done with pregnancy. As of right now, I haven’t gained any weight. I’ve lost over 10 pounds. I didn’t plan on losing weight, it just happened. The doctor didn’t want me to lose and she didn’t want me to gain. But I guess losing is better then gaining in her view. She didn’t say anything to me about it last month. Then I had a WIC apt the next day or so and I had lost another pound. This is crazy huh? I haven’t had so many problems while pregnant, ever! I hate the fact that I can’t eat right. I’m hoping this feeling goes away soon so I can eat meats.  I can’t stand the smell of food most of the time. I want that to change. Wonder how much longer this is going to last me? I hope not for the next 5 months!

My van is soon to be in my name since I’m divorced and all. That’s the only reason why it’s in my fathers name. It’s been paid for for 2 yrs. I’ve been looking at auto insurance reviews all last night. But I got tired and fell asleep. The insurance my parents have is to high for me. I can not afford another bill right now. So I’m not to sure what I’m going to do. Not only that but my van needs a fuel pump. And those are 300 bucks. Something I can’t afford. So I do not know how to go about doing all this changing around crap right now.

I have to get my mind and money right first. And that’s hard right at this point.